Bend for Home, The Read online

  We put our arms around each other and then she left.

  Had a brandy by myself and listened to the Top Twenty. Then had tea. I feel awfully happy.

  8 Mon. Holy Week.

  Fr Terry told me he is about to make investigations into my grasp of Greek and my general intelligence. I took a half-day and met Sheila outside Katy Bannon’s. She was crying. I brought her into the baker’s room. She kept on crying. I couldn’t stop her. The parents want her never to see me again.

  9 Tues. Holy Week.

  Dermot Burke gave me a run-through of what to expect in Greek. Terry gives me an examination by myself in the back seat. I get 98 out of a 100.

  There’s something strange going on, he said.

  Then there’s Geography, then Maths. The hours drag. Then at last comes 4 o’clock. Come the Holidays! But the boarders have to stay in till tomorrow morning. Ollie leapt out of a window and raced away through the trees to where I was waiting for him on the road. Away we went like fuck round the back of the triangle with Ollie on the bar of the bike. He has the dicky bow on.

  Give her stick, he shouted.

  We hit the Railway Hotel round 6 and he took a taxi out at 9. I did not get in till half past 2. Mammy gives out shit.

  10 Wed. Holy Week.

  Ollie calls to the Breifne. He has his case with him.

  There’s trouble, he said.

  Square saw him leap out of the window. The Dean came into his dorm, and said, McNally! Get up! He smelt his breath. Square asked him did he go to see Healy. He said no. Was it a girl? He said no.

  When you pack your case in the morning, Mr McNally, said Square, it will be for the last time. You won’t be coming back here.

  Now Ollie doesn’t know what to do. So we smoked 20 fags and went to Balihaise to pick up Harton’s lorry to take him home. I went to the pictures and sat down by Sheila. She got up and moved away.

  I followed her. What’s going on? I asked.

  You’ve been double-crossing me all this time with Josie, she said.

  Not at all, I said.

  Yes you have.

  No I haven’t.

  You needn’t lie any more, Dermot. You needn’t lie. Josie told me.

  Let me explain.

  No, she said, I’m not talking to you anymore.

  Quiet! shouted George O’Rourke.

  After that I couldn’t follow the picture. I went to bed in bad form.

  11 Thur. Holy Thursday.

  Met Sheila outside Woolworth’s. Her parents are taking her away for a few days.

  To keep me away from you, she said.

  Josie doesn’t mean anything to me, I said.

  That, said Sheila, only makes it worse.

  We said goodbye. I slipped in the backway to Stick Donoghue’s. Courted Mary. Saw Pat. Skipped Mass. And banged my head running up yard to climb in window.

  12 Fri. Holy Friday.

  Sheila gone to Wicklow. Not a soul stirring on the streets. Played records. Josie bought a loaf. Had some toast and went home early.

  14 Sun. Easter Sunday.

  Are you going out with Sheila? asked Mary.

  Sometimes, I said.

  Sometimes, said Gerty. What does that mean?

  We broke it off.

  Did you, now. Well we don’t want anyone else’s leavings, she laughed sarcastically. We all know about you, you glick fucker. Look at Dermot Burke – he wouldn’t ask to put his hand up.

  Is that right? I said.

  That’s right, said Burke proudly.

  Would you like to go to the pictures? I asked Mary.

  I would, she said.

  You should not let him have his way so easily, said Gerty.

  Can you not mind your own business, I said.

  Mary arrives at 9 o’clock.

  I thought you weren’t coming, I said.

  Oh, I didn’t want to let you down.

  So I put a hand on her tits and she pulled it away.

  No, she said.

  Why? I ask.

  Just.

  So I stared at the screen with my hands in my pockets.

  Are you crabbed? she asked.

  Oh I’m in terrific humour, I said.

  I’m glad to hear it, she said. You see we differ too much to be together.

  I hope I’m free, I said.

  What does that mean? she asked.

  I don’t know, I said importantly. The twins marched up the aisles waving their long torches.

  15 Mon.

  Dermot lost four balls on the links and we danced to the wireless on the road. We bought ice creams and played a game of doubles in table tennis. Dermot and Gerty against Mary and me. Then I went off to the amusements. Garret’s teeth fell out when he was up in the swing-boats. We gambled at roulette and throwpenny, then sat into the bumping cars. Save the Last Dance for Me was playing and you could hear it at the far end of Main Street.

  On way home saw that Sheila’s father’s car was back. I was in great humour.

  Can I have a party? I asked the mother.

  If you paint the house, you can have a party, she said.

  16 Tues.

  As I write this I’m swivel-eyed. Painted the hallway then brought Sheila out to the golf links. Ah I love Sheila. She said she’d forgive me for going out with Josie because Josie said it wasn’t serious. She brought me a present of 20 Pall Mall from Wicklow. I love Sheila. I’ll make Gerty eat her words. Afterwards Dermot and myself went out to Lisdarn and collected the black doctor. I have 2 gins and tonics and 9 beers. I love Sheila.

  17 Wed.

  Ollie arrived to give me a hand and we painted the corridor, and the landing, and the wall above the three steps. Then made arrangements for the hop in our house. The gang arrived with records and the cant started. At last Sheila came. She was by herself.

  I can’t go in, she said at the door. That crowd don’t like me.

  You only think that, I said, come on.

  No. She looked down the street. Who’s in there?

  So I told her.

  That does it, she said, I’m not going.

  Who’s at the door? asked Mammy.

  Sheila, I said.

  Hallo, Mrs Healy.

  You’re welcome, Sheila, said Mammy. Well, what’s holding you? Come on in, we’re about to eat.

  When we went in Gerty made lousy remarks. We helped my mother serve. We ate in sixes and spun the bottle and danced. Kevin ran into the pillar and knocked himself out. Croney started barking like mad. Una came out for a jive with me. Maisie went down the entry and looked in the window and sneezed with the knuckle of her index finger to her nose.

  Stay with me, won’t you, said Sheila.

  I will.

  Don’t dance with anyone else.

  I won’t.

  She put my arm around her waist.

  I love you, she said.

  I danced Sheila all night and we courted under the stairs.

  18 Thur.

  Ollie and myself painted the rest of the landing and the door of Mammy’s room. He asked Pat to go with him but she wouldn’t because she wanted to go with Andy so Ollie hitched off to Virginia. I went to the pics with Sheila. The seat collapsed from under me in the middle of a murder scene and Sheila went to bits.

  21 Sun. Low Sunday.

  Went to see Sheila at half past 3, supposed to be there at 2 but the fire in the bakehouse went out twice and so we had only time to talk before she had to go. Ollie calls on way back to college. He says he’ll go out and see what happens in the morning.

  22 Mon.

  It’s our last time together before going back to college. Myself and Sheila tear up Reilly’s archway into the loft. She has no buttons on her shirt. There are no prying eyes. She begins to cry. We say goodbye.

  24 Wed.

  After school played tripe golf and go to the pictures. Marx Brothers Go West. Terrific picture. I miss Sheila. I could’ve enjoyed it better if she was there.

  25 Thur. St Mark, Evangelist. (Rogation Day
)

  Ollie can’t come back next year. They are blaming my bad influence. Father Terry put a map of Greece on the wall so that we could follow the wars of Sparta. He sneezed, the map fell and Parrot farted. Ollie went off round the Half on his own. Met Josie, and told her to tell Sheila to start the ball rolling by writing first then I stood in the handball alley till night fell.

  26 Fri. Our Lady of Good Counsel.

  I went up to Bob and pleaded on Ollie’s behalf but he says there is nothing he can do. He’ll see but at the moment it’s out of his hands. It’s gone too far. Myself and Ollie walk the half. The 5th years stood and watched us.

  It’ll not be long now, lads, said one.

  They walked behind us, taunting us so we headed across the lower pitch.

  The minute the term ends, said Ollie, I’m taking the boat across the water. Are you coming?

  I will, I say.

  We’ll go into antiques, he said. I have an uncle doing well at that.

  Right, I said.

  And fuck these crowd.

  Right.

  Fuck them.

  28 Sun. 2nd after Easter.

  Lit the fire in the bakery and walked Maisie and the Mother round the triangle. Told Maisie to keep her voice down as we passed Sheila’s house and she roared laughing.

  29 Mon.

  Got word that there’s 25 women up the pole in town. Got a lovely letter from Sheila but Josie does not stop to talk.

  30 Tues.

  Skipped the last two classes and met Sheila who was having a tooth out. Her mouth was bloody. I walked up town with my arm around her and didn’t care who saw us.

  I didn’t know you had any bad teeth, I said.

  I hadn’t, she said.

  What?

  I only pretended so that I could get into town and see you.

  Then she went back to the convent.

  MAY

  l Wed. St Joseph the Worker.

  Have bad old stye. Square gave me six for skipping the two classes after dinner.

  4 Sat.

  Gave Josie a tiepin for Sheila.

  5 Sun. 3rd after Easter.

  I hear that Sheila is up the pole, said Andy as we came down the steps after 10 mass.

  Is that right, I said.

  So they say.

  Who?

  People. People talk about it.

  Do they now.

  Yeh.

  Well fuck them.

  You’ll be in trouble yet.

  No I won’t.

  There’s people in this town don’t like you, you know.

  Why?

  There’ll be trouble, he said. I heard, he added.

  I went up to the alley and played all day with the soldiers.

  8 Wed.

  Vomited this morning. Bad form. The mother looked in.

  Time to get up, she said.

  I’m sick, I said.

  I’m sorry for you, she said but didn’t give me a spiff. The inside of my head was racing. The wallpaper was upside down. After dinner in good form so headed to Noel’s loft. Fixed it terrific. Looks smashing, all boarded and nailed up. Laid out a carpet that Frank Conlon was going to throw away and carried up a chest of drawers from Burke’s. Tacked Eddie Cochran and The Searchers to the wall, then lit a candle and looked round for ages at my new home.

  Maisie looked over at Winnie and said, Poor Winnie.

  What’s she saying? asked my mother.

  9 Thur.

  Brought a mattress from our loft round by the garden into Noel’s. Then came back with a few roles of wallpaper. We pasted them up.

  12 Sun. 4th after Easter. World Sodality Day.

  I had the fire lit in the bakehouse when the bell rang and Father Bob was at the door.

  I’d like, he said, to see yourself and your mother.

  What has he done now? she asked.

  Nothing, he said.

  I’m glad to hear that, she said.

  But I think it would be proper, he continued gravely, if Dermot was booked in as a boarder next year.

  Whatever you think, Father Robert, she said glaring at me.

  And I think he should go to a Gaeltacht during the summer. It will help his Irish.

  Do you hear Father Robert? she asked me.

  I do, I said.

  So you’ll go?

  I will.

  That’s that then, said Father Robert.

  13 Mon.

  Put up more wallpaper in Noel’s. Done a bit of painting. Left half a flagon of cider up there.

  Noel’s head appeared in the opening.

  How are things in the Castle? he asked.

  14 Tues.

  The girls are coming into town tomorrow. We put in divisions between Kevin’s mattress and mine and shoot air-freshener through the loft. Then we invited Dermot up to see the Castle. Very nice, he said.

  15 Wed. St John Baptist de la Salle.

  I watched the Loreto girls arriving at the Town Hall. They trooped out of two buses in their red uniforms and brown nylons and the town girls gave us the nod. The rest looked on knowingly. Sheila never let on to see me. We kept our eyes aloft and when they’d gone in myself and the lads go onto the balcony.

  The two films showing are Lord Save my Soul and Daniel and Lions. Sister Gabriel gave a religious talk to the girls, we clapped, the light went off and Sheila slipped up onto the balcony.

  Dermot, she whispered, where are you?

  Here, I said.

  Where’s here? I lit a match and she sat down. I could hardly get my breath. She touched my cheek with her hand and kissed the side of my neck.

  Come on to the Castle, I said.

  Are you mad? she said.

  I’ve missed you something terrible, I said.

  And I’ve missed you.

  We kissed.

  And you haven’t been going out with anyone else?

  No, I said.

  You swear.

  I do.

  Then she went below and her brother suddenly appeared in a seat behind me. Watch yourself! he said.

  18 Sat

  Gave a book called Golf for Ladies to Josie to give to Sheila.

  19 Sun. 5th After Easter.

  Take half a flagon of cider in the morning. Feel fine.

  20 Mon.

  Since Easter have pulled wire nearly every day.

  Chapter 25

  23 Thur. Ascension. (Holiday of Obligation)

  Knocked on the back door of Slowey’s shop to get some milk in the afternoon. The red-haired girl working there said it was a Holiday of Obligation, I know that I said but we haven’t a drop in the house. She said she’d have to get the key.

  I see you on the town a lot, she said.

  That’s right, I agreed.

  And you’re always at the pictures.

  I am.

  We went into the shop. When she bent down to get the milk her blouse fell open wide.

  What are you looking at, she asked.

  Your freckles, I said.

  You’re some man, she laughed. She gave me my change. Is there anything else?

  No.

  Well then. She opened the door and laughed again. You’re a funny wee cunt, she said. Would you care to go to the pictures with me? she asked.

  I’d love to, I said.

  Now what have I done? she said to herself.

  So I had a bath and washed the hair and shaved and powdered Simon. I stood outside the Magnet thinking she wouldn’t come. But she appeared in a blue frock and high heels.

  I thought you wouldn’t be here, she said.

  I thought the same of you.

  We passed by the lads and she bought us tickets for the balcony. She had the exact money in her coat pocket. She looked a little lonely. We were the only couple up there. When the pictures started she reached over and her hand came down on my knee.

  You don’t mind me doing this, do you? she said.

  No, I whispered.

  She ran her hand along my leg, stopped a while and looke
d into my eyes.

  Are you sure you don’t mind?

  Yes, I said.

  She walked her fingers along my thigh.

  Do you like that?

  Yes.

  That’s good.

  She walked them to and fro, then gently rested her fingertips near the lad.

  Now, what have we got here?

  Oh.

  Who is this fellow atall, atall? she said. She gently traced the outline through the trousers. Has it a name?

  No.

  And now it’s moving by itself.

  That happens.

  So I see. It has a life of its own.

  That’s right, I said.

  Am I hurting you?

  No.

  I’ve never done this before, she whispered.

  Don’t worry, I said.

  I feel funny, she said.

  So do I.

  I thought the likes of you would be very experienced.

  No, I’m not.

  Is there something wrong?

  What?

  You’ve stopped breathing.

  No I haven’t.

  And your voice sounds strange.

  Does it?

  You’re deadly, she laughed.

  A whiff of Palmolive and cherries and sweat flew by. Slowly she undid the buttons.

  What age are you?

  Fifteen.

  I’ll be arrested, she said.

  She reached into my trousers.