Bend for Home, The Read online

  I like to see our Johnny in good company, he said, taking the piss.

  Don’t start, Daddy, said Johnny.

  Start what? he shouted.

  You’re always cribbing.

  Healy, he said to me, go back where you came from.

  Then Mrs Galligan, her hair tied back with pins, came down the stairs in a man’s pyjamas. James Galligan, she said, come in from the street.

  Yes, Mammy, her husband said.

  There’s nothing but class distinction in this town, he said and went in.

  I lit a fag. Johnny puked into the Kinnypottle. Andy was pissed. We are all bad cases. I ended up shouting on Main Street.

  Did you come across Shamey Slacke in your travels in that yoke? she asks.

  He was mentioned, I say.

  And any word of Nancy?

  A little.

  I should never have left you after your father died, she says and her chin steadies. Nancy got it into her head that I needed a break and I ended up a char off the King’s Road. And you–she looked at me–you went asunder.

  MARCH

  2 Sat.

  Did not go to school. Bad headache. I’ll never do it again.

  3 Sun. 1st Sunday in Lent.

  Left Josie out part of the way home on my bike and then headed off alone to the Railway Hotel to see if any of the gang were there but the only man at the bar was the black doctor in a smart grey gabardine coat that detectives wear.

  Where have you been? he said. Give this fellow a gin.

  I had my first gin and tonic.

  It tasted great. We had another. He spoke about Calcutta and lit a cigar and drew it away quick and wide from his face. He clapped me on the shoulder and ordered again. His eyes were cream-white and his knuckles were pinched and blue. He laughed a lot to himself and talked of being lonely, so we hired a taxi and went off to the first opera I’d known of to come to the Town Hall. People there were astonished to see us together.

  Have you booked? asked Miss Connolly.

  No, I said.

  Well, all we have are the dear seats, I’m afraid, and she righted her glasses.

  That will do, thank you, said the Doc.

  Reluctantly she peeled off the tickets and so we found ourselves up the front among all the folks in evening dress. The women wore white gloves and the men dicky bows. In front of us the orchestra were tuning up. Violin, violin, violin. Cello. The drum. A scatter of notes from the flute. A head through the curtain to see was the house full. And all the time the Doc kept laughing. When the lights went down he fell asleep, and woke when I poked him. The worst thing was – it was a sad part, and he jumped to his feet and clapped. All eyes turned to us. I was mortified. Afterwards I took him home to the hospital on the bar of my bike. On the avenue we fell off into a bush and lay on the lawn laughing. Every time we tried to get up he started another burst of laughter.

  We must do that again, he said, some time.

  4 Mon. (Novena of Grace begins)

  The College lost the McRory cup so we got no free day. Everyone was badly disappointed. That night all the school boarders from Saint Pat’s and Loreto were let out for the opera, so off I went to the opera again. The girls were in the front and just before the start Sheila stood and waved at me.

  6 Wed. Ember Day. (Fast and Abstinence)

  Josie took off her roll-on. Would not but was nearly going to. We had some of her father’s gin then.

  10 Sun. 2nd in Lent.

  Did not go to the alley but stayed in and studied. Asked Maisie for money for the pictures.

  You are abusing privilege, she said.

  Please, I said.

  No, she said, a thousand times no.

  I just want to go to the pictures.

  No, she said. You’ll see no more money from me.

  So Dermot paid for me in and Josie bought me 10 fags and a 99. Josie and I broke the seat at the pictures while courting. She hit the floor and said Fuck. Everyone in the Magnet laughed. Afterwards we hitched through the cold to her place towards Killeshandra and I met her mother and played her some records. She poured me a gin.

  What age are you? she asked me.

  Nineteen, I said.

  Have you any interest in politics? asked her father, the doctor.

  Not really, I said.

  Well you should, he said, certainly, certainly. We talked about Ireland. The mother stoked up the fire. It turned 2. He said he’d leave me back to town. I got into the car and he poured a kettle of hot water over the frozen windscreen. He started to reverse. Josie was standing at the gate to wave goodbye but the car skidded on the black frost and hit her.

  I ran to her.

  Dermot, she said, I feel sick.

  She’s suffering from shock. He hit her on the leg. The father was upset.

  It’s all my fault, Daddy, she said.

  I led Josie back to the fire. She held my hand. Her father wrapped her leg in a bandage and the mother gave her a hot whiskey. Josie didn’t want me to go but I had to. I said I’d walk home because he was too drunk to drive. I got lost coming down the lane from their house in the snow and felt my way by the branches. Cows were bellowing in sheds. It was pure cold. I slid along the ditch. Stars were everywhere. I must have been walking a long time when the squad car stopped me on the Farnham Road and the guard rolled down the window. I could feel the hot air from inside. He asked me my name.

  What are you doing out at this hour of the night?

  I said I was walking home.

  I can see that, but where are you coming from?

  A Fine Gael meeting, I said.

  Is that so.

  And then my wheel went flat.

  Ah h-ard luck, he said.

  It was 3 when I reached the Breifne and Maisie was waiting for me on the stairs. I said I had an accident. The only accident you had, she said, was the day you were born.

  12 Tues. St Gregory the Great.

  Got six slaps from Square, the Dean, because Fairy reported me for throwing orange peels in singing class. Then Barney chucked me out of science for causing a disturbance. Then Mutt hits me. Josie gets into the car.

  I have a sore arse, she says, and she gave me a letter from Sheila.

  It’s a fair day in Cavan. The town is full of ponies and cows and carts of pigs. The Market House is running with seeds. The Market yard is filled with carrots and heads of cabbages and onions. Everyone is on the move up and down from the Gallows Hill where the cattle pens are. The pubs are overflowing. The Northern farmers, in squat wellingtons that suck as they walk, piss down the entry and stalk the streets with hefty sticks. They’re having fries and high teas of ham and tomato and sliced pan and butter pats in the Breifne, and Katie German is on her feet all day by the range with a plate over the frying pan. Maisie is flying in the shop. Una is serving in her Poor Clare’s uniform.

  Get in there, says Katie.

  I wash up in the Breifne till the restaurant closes. The girls collapse in the dining room and light fags. Then I work next door in Noel’s bar. The skin on my hands is white from the soap and hot water. In the yard a man broke a stick over his son’s back then drove him before him screeching up Main Street. The door in Woolworth’s slammed shut on a woman’s arm. I served a snail in a bottle of Guinness. The farmer spat it out into the palm of his hand, studied it and asked Noel when had the shop turned into an eating house.

  That’s a good one, said Noel and gave him a Power’s before compensation set in.

  A small man ordered a drink and came up on his good leg to get change from his pocket. He was 6 feet tall. The pub was full till 10 and Noel paid me 9 shillings and 20 fags. I go for a stroll. The town is littered with dung and walking sticks.

  Howareya.

  Howareya.

  Oh how is it going?

  The same. The same.

  13 Wed.

  Don’t go to school, still have the cruiscin. Dermot left me in a few books to read.

  14 Thur.

  Do not go to schoo
l. Spent the day in bed. Then in the middle of the night there was a tap on the window and Andy in a long green FCA coat climbed in off the kitchen roof. Next thing Dermot brought a ladder up the entry and two girls climbed up into my room. We thought you’d like the company, said Dermot.

  16 Sat.

  Working all day washing delft, then went off to see Ben Hur at the pics. There was no seat beside Josie but one beside Andy, so at the break Andy took Josie’s seat and she took his and we ate apples I’d stolen from Blessings. Quiet, shouted George O’Rourke and he shone his torch at me.

  Where are we? says Mother, wakening.

  Here, I said, in the bungalow.

  She closes her eyes and sighs.

  17 Sun. St Patrick, Patron of Ireland. (Holiday of Obligation)

  The Saint Patrick’s Parade came charging down Church Street. There was a pipe band from Downpatrick and another from Kingscourt. Then the floats came. Provider’s, Fegan’s, the ESB, Jackson’s Garage, Smith’s garage. The scouts. The Brothers’ band with Gerry Brady marching in front of them with Brother Cyril. Irish dancers. Roadstone.

  I’m not going back to St Fucking Pat’s, said Ollie.

  All right, I said.

  I’ve had enough of that place, he said. I’m for Manchester. Will you come?

  I might.

  Good.

  I don’t feel right, said Dermot and he went home.

  I’ve just cut my finger, said Ollie. How did that happen?

  I haven’t a notion, I said.

  Myself and Ollie walked round the town. I slept that night with him in our single bed. He got up at dawn fearing trouble. I’ve done it this time, he said. He put the dicky bow in his trousers pocket and headed off for college at half past 6 looking miserable.

  19 Tues. St Joseph, Spouse of B. V. M.

  Ollie got 10 slaps from Square and a warning that his parents would be told. He said he felt ill and had slept in the Farnham Arms. He denied he was with me. In Packie the Case’s class Bob the president called me up to his room.

  Have you been out near Loreto? he asked.

  No, I said.

  Are you sure?

  Yes, Father.

  Well, the nuns say it’s you. They’ve heard the girls talking.

  It’s not me, Father. Not at all.

  I suppose I must believe you.

  Thank you, Father.

  Should I tell the Mother Superior it’s not you?

  Yes, Father.

  All this, Dermot, is very sad, he said.

  That night I walk out to Josie’s house on my own. Nearly dead tired when I get there. We listen to music for hours. I ride back to town on Josie’s bike and leave it in the Regal yard. It’s 12 o’clock. Aunt Maisie is at the door. She takes my key.

  21 Thur. St Benedict.

  Josie thinks I went with someone else last night. And also thinks something happened on Sunday night. I say no. We go on talking over the phone. Then the operator breaks in. Stop that dirty talk, she says. We go on talking. The manageress of the Ulster Arms arrived. Get out of that phone box, she says, I’ve had a complaint. She dumped me onto the street, I went up to the phone box at the post office and rang back. We talked on, and on. But it was no deal. She doesn’t believe me.

  You only want Sheila, she says. Only Sheila.

  23 Sat.

  Did not go to school. McInerney called out my name during role call so Square didn’t know I wasn’t there. Watched boxing match in Burke’s, went to the matinee (The Canadians) with Josie who expects me to break it off.

  When Sheila gets back you won’t want me, she said.

  Yes I will, I said.

  All I’m good for is bringing you her letters.

  That’s not true.

  Wait till Easter comes, then we’ll see.

  You’re wrong.

  And the strange thing is, said Josie, I don’t mind.

  I watch Thank Your Lucky Stars in Andy’s bar and at 8 Mammy comes home.

  Were you good? she asked me.

  I looked at Una.

  Was he?

  Yes, she said.

  Can I go to a dance in Oldcastle? I asked.

  Yes, you can.

  She opened her purse, lifted out a pound note and threw it on the ground.

  There, she said, there you are. Go where you like.

  Dressed in the new shirt she’d bought me I went to see the Clipper Carlton showband in Joe Hill’s car and danced the Sheridan sisters. Joe found a woman from Kells. When we stepped outside it was snowing. At 10 mile an hour we drove to Kells. Sometimes he’d drive into a ditch. We spun round on corners. At last we reached Kells. The girl made us a cup of tea and I waited in the car while they had a court then we turned towards Cavan. We could see nothing because of the snow blowing against the windscreen. We slithered all over the place. This side of Lavey we tipped into a drain.

  That’s that, said Joe, and I haven’t even a coat.

  So we walked home.

  I arrived into the Breifne covered in white at dawn. My shoes went slapslap across the landing. Mammy woke when she heard me closing the door. She came into my room without her glasses on.

  Look at you, she said. Just look at you.

  The car broke down.

  I’ve heard, she said bitterly, I’ve heard all about you. Dear God of almighty. What’s to become of us! Your father is looking down on you, she said. Remember that.

  Chapter 24

  25 Mon. The Annunciation.

  Studied. Did not go out.

  26 Tues.

  Did not go out. All night we talked of my father and of London. The mother looks at me for long periods as if I was someone else.

  27 Wed.

  If Mammy had given me money I would have won on Kalminos in the Lincoln. Did not go out.

  30 Sat.

  Put 6 shillings on races. Out and About led till the third last. Afterwards went to The Lost Continent with Josie. Silly picture. Silly court. Studied, took a spin in the car and went to bed.

  APRIL

  2 Tues.

  Asked the blonde from McDonnell’s but moved the Farnham model instead. The thaw began and the ice broke with a roar on Swellan. Then the town was full of burst pipes.

  *

  Have you the money ready for the milkman? asks my mother.

  I have.

  And you’ll take me to Mass?

  I will.

  She studies Padre Pio’s face. She reads her prayer, puts it aside in the silver vessel, and grips the arms of the chair.

  Get me out of here, she shouts.

  No, I say.

  3 Wed.

  Put on our finery and myself and Dermot went out to Loreto to the annual concert. Sheila introduced me to the Mother Joseph Cupertino. All the young things nearly fainted.

  I hear a lot about you, said the nun.

  She lifted my hand in the air, squinted and sighed and nodded, not too severely. Then she gave me my hand back – daintily. It was like being forgiven. Sheila was very proud. We sat among the parents like saints in the hall I used to climb up to. Burke turned adult. The girls played the tunes on the pianos that myself and Andy used to hear from the trees, they sang and recited poetry, dressed as men in blue tights and pointed shoes they delivered speeches from Shakespeare, and the night finished with beetroot sandwiches, Jacob’s marshmallows and tea. We had great cant. Went on afterwards to a bazaar on the Railway Road where I hit the bull and won a reed bowl for the mother from a dwarf.

  A dwarf no less, said Maisie. When I was young I thought of running away with an acrobat.

  You should have, I said.

  I’d have been killed.

  We sat by the fire talking and toasted bread. Mammy did her toes and soaked her feet in methylated spirits. We were all in great form.

  4 Thur.

  Loreto get holidays but though I searched the town I could not find Sheila.

  6 Sat.

  Did not go to school. Ma ripping. Cut lip while shaving. Searched the town
again but could not find Sheila. Go to links. Sat in the café but she never came. Jumped out window in the middle of the night and stood outside Sheila’s house till 1 in the morning. No one. Nothing. Nobody.

  7 Sun. 2nd Sunday of Passiontide. (Palm Sunday)

  Today records great events. Went to High Palm Mass with Dermot then to the Central Café. All the dames are there but no sign of Sheila. Went home and sat by the fire. Done composition called Contentment and went to Devotions. The cathedral was rustling. The priests looked like altar boys that have just climbed out of bed – all white-faced and tired. Got money off Una for pictures. Sat by myself. At last I heard the door open after half-time and saw her at the back waiting for her eyes to adjust to the dark then Sheila came straight across to me.

  My parents kept me in so I couldn’t see you, she whispered.

  I was wondering where you were.

  They won’t let me out. Especially my brother.

  Why?

  They say we are too serious.

  Do you think we are too serious?

  No, she said. The trouble is we are not serious enough. Do you love me?

  I do.

  She looked into my face.

  I keep dreaming about you.

  I kissed the back of her hand. She brought my hand to her lips.

  I have to go, she said. If my brother sees us together, I’ll be killed.